Just over 4 months ago I came back to God. It was a long journey but also a super short one. Slow building for so many many years and quick as lightning at the end. Not even a few months prior to that, my life could not have been further away from Him.
I grew up in an extremely Christian family, with grandparents in pastorship and missionary work, almost our entire extended family are Christian, my parents were youth pastors in their younger years and as my sister, brothers and I came along, they continued to be very involved with the church and were always volunteering in one way or another. We went to church 3-4 times a week, most of our closest friends were church friends, we didn't even listen to non Christian music until I was about 10, and we generally lived lives that were centred around our faith.
However, for me, for the most part, I feel like I was just playing a part. I’m not sure I ever actually ‘got it’. I feel like I tried. But my intention was off. I wanted to fit in and do what was expected of me. But was I at that point, ever truly seeking God? Maybe not and certainly in time, my faith didn’t stand, especially when faced with various challenges.
I still believed in God (even if I was very angry at him at various times) and for a long time I still believed in the Bible (had I read it and made an effort to understand it? Nope and maybe that’s why I strayed for so long!) and from time to time I even attended church. However, I was drifting further and further away, and the struggles in my life got deeper and more impacting.
I never really associated that with being away from God though but I was 100% trying and failing to do things in my own strength.
Over the many many years, my mother and other family member’s prayed for me. I wonder how many prayer lists I was on? And when my sister returned full on fire for God at the start of 2023, she was praying for me too and started to have some pointed conversations with me (something I probably would not have tolerated from anyone else). Sometimes it was just a comment that gave me pause about what I was doing.
At that point I was openly saying I didn’t believe in the Bible, I thought Jesus was just a great guy and I was calling God ‘source’. I was teaching on and reading up on all sorts of false gods, and heavily involved in witchcraft and occult practices. I wouldn’t have called it that at the time though. And I kept ignoring the pull to go back to church.
Ultimately, while my sister and I were away for the weekend in our hometown, I just reached THAT point. She had hired the car so was playing her worship playlist and sermon after sermon from her mentors/preachers she followed while we drove this way and that, and asking me some hard hitting questions. Suddenly I could no longer deny that I needed to know.
That maybe I WAS risking everything by not following that call to come back to church, to read the word of God for myself, to investigate where I was really going to sit with all this. That maybe I WAS risking my children’s and my eternity by not sorting out my own relationship with God?
I had a peace encounter that weekend that was like nothing else I had sought in the 2+ decades I had spent away from my faith, filling my ‘toolkit’ with modalities, practices and 'solutions' to deal with my trauma, anxiety, depression, lack of motivation, declining health, addictive and destructive patterns and more.
I came home and kept playing the worship music.
I went through my sister’s playlist and made my own.
I went to church.
I signed up to the Alpha course at my sister’s church.
I slowly started praying again.
I started reading the Bible.
And the veil started lifting from my eyes.
I began to understand the Bible.
I began to hear God.
I realised how incredibly wrong I’d been.
Initially I was very insistent that I was on a journey of discovery and wouldn’t make any decisions until I knew everything and understood everything. Actually, the only thing I needed to know and understand was that God is real. And boom, I gave my life back to God, proclaimed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour, was filled with the Holy Spirit and have been journeying deeper and deeper with Him ever since.
I’ve had so much to clear out, destroy, rebuke, renounce and lay at His feet.
I stopped marketing and creating in my business for almost 6 months.
I’ve had deliverance to deal with what I previously allowed or was exposed to as well as generational curses.
And my weeks now revolve around church, studying Christian theology, bible study, conversations about God, conversations with God, worship and more.
It’s been a whirlwind.
AND it’s been the best possible time of my life here. Which is just a blink of an eye in comparison to what’s on the other side.
The end used to scare me because I did not know where I was going. But now I do. And I’m not trying to figure it out and understand and do things on my own anymore. And wow, it’s amazing the difference it makes.
It’s amazing the difference God makes.
I wanted to write this testimonial before I roll out a few other key posts about the business and where I’ve been at with things, and I hope it stirs your curiosity if you’re away from God currently. I hope it plants a seed that only grows and grows and grows.
Know this - God is all that will answer the seeking within you. Anything else is just a bandaid solution. It's fake. God isn't though.
He is real and he loves you and he is calling you home.