Updated: Dec 5, 2021
I’m in retreat. I don’t want to. I’d rather do nothing. I’d rather go eat, go to sleep, go lie down, get angry and do anything. I’d rather procrastinate and so I do. I don’t do anything and am so busy. I’m in avoidance but I’m also in dread. I’m annoyed that I didn’t start an hour ago, 2 hours ago.
Why can’t I make myself do this?
-> Because it fucking sucks and I’d rather be in full resistance mode. This dread, this annoyance, this anger, this frustration is preferable to doing the thing.
You’re probably trying to force yourself to do something that is completely out of alignment and so your every cell and fibre is trying to run away.
Would it be that horrible to run?
I’m sure you’ve done it before and it paid off ultimately. As will this.
You’re just barely hanging on right now and it’s not going to get better, it’s going to get worse.
So let go. Choose to let go now. And watch what you fly to.
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