Yesterday, I had a panic attack … ^ I wrote that as the start of a new post a week ago and then got too scared to continue. Afraid of looking weak and admitting again that I am still overcoming. Second guessing why I wanted to share - was it from victimhood or to help others? And, worrying about what my clients would think (present or future) and whether or not this was something I felt aligned with sharing. Maybe it would be better if I just stay quiet and let the moment pass? Maybe it’s not that important to share my insight? Maybe I don’t actually have the time to complete this post - let me just find things to fill in the time so I can create the appropriate reality to support this etc. It’s so easy to stop ourselves from taking action isn’t it? It can also be just as easy to do it anyway. There was a time when I felt massive anxiety every single day, I developed heart arrhythmia due to stress and on more than one occasion thought I was having a heart attack. I didn’t want to leave the house, see my friends or look anyone in the eye. It was a big and mostly secret issue. There are a lot of things that I attribute to shifting out of that space - feeling creatively and intellectually filled and challenged in work and hobbies, finding my identity outside of motherhood, conscious choice, sunshine, hormone balancing and 2 years of self development, mindfulness work and spiritual growth. But it still crops up occasionally per my recent example (and I'm looking at ways to stop calling that in)! I had had a pretty good although full day - kids were in daycare, I’d done a decent amount of client work, had allowed time for tuning in, prepped dinner in anticipation of a night out that I was looking forward to and I was hanging out the clothes when I felt that tightening in my chest. Felt like I was starting to slowly get crushed by an invisible force. Found that I couldn’t breathe in properly. My heart started beating too fast. And a slow moving but deep fear started to envelope me. [If you’re a fixer reading this - here's your reminder to resist the urge to give me medical advise as that is not why I’m sharing this] My default Capricorn response in these situations is to tell myself that I’m overacting, exaggerating and that I should just get over it and get on with the tasks at hand. It’s very interesting having the inner battles with that version of myself and my more enlightened self that has the tools to deal]. I chose to listen to my body, myself and the scenario instead >
I went and sat down and put on the TV to distract myself from my panicked inner voice.
Drank a whole bunch of water and asked myself - is a portion of this elevated because I’m hungry? Because I need to go to the bathroom? Because I’m dehydrated? I do believe that the more sensory processing flags we have up, the harder it is to dealing with a panic attack.
Concentrated on breathing all the way in through my mouth and all the way out through the same. Deep slow breaths. With a lot of awareness and reminders that I could and can breathe completely.
Checked airflow of the house. Turned the aircon on.
Removed all constrictive clothing and all jewellery (again, sensory processing)
All the calming essential oils and crystals
Vocalised. As soon as my husband got home, I flagged the situation with him and allowed myself to be supported.
Asked myself: what is the reason behind this? Am I scared to go out tonight, to a new social situation? Or is it something beyond that? For me, I knew it was bigger - it was the culmination of pushing myself too much for too long in a lot of areas. This was simply the payoff.
And I allowed. I cancelled my plans, went upstairs, laid down and had a quiet and early evening.
It’s ok for things to fall apart on occasion, regardless of where you are in your journey.
Sometimes it IS to allow an evening of surrender that we would not have otherwise given ourselves. Sometimes it’s to learn a lesson. Sometimes it just sucks regardless. But regardless, it’s important to share the process when called however imperfect that may make you feel.
I hope this post helps if you ever deal with something similar.
Want to find out more about what I do as a Business, Life and Period Coach and, how we can work together to expand your energy, create more flow and unlock your optimal methods? Read more here or message me to lock in your spot for a consult or 1:1 coaching. x